October 2009
5 posts
kari-shma:
Kings of Leon | Use Somebody
I will...
These 10-hour shifts do not come as easily to me...
The club's new part-time bartender
Him: You still talk to anybody from [place we used to work together]?
Me: Not really.
Him: Yeah, I'm a family man now.
Me: Yeah ... so should I text you Sunday about getting me that quad?
Him: Totally.
September 2009
1 post
“cant got fired again”
– An old co-worker’s reply to a Facebook thread from one of the Applebuddies looking to get a couple of shifts picked up this weekend
August 2009
4 posts
On The Straight And Narrow (Minded) | Not Always...
scottfriday:
think4yourself:
Bar | Hertfordshire, England
(Note: I’m a female customer sitting in a pub. I’m approached by another male customer while I read a book.)
Male customer: “Hello, my name is ***.”
Me: “That’s nice.”
Male customer: “So can I have your number?”
Me: “Oh. Actually, I’m gay.”
Male customer: “You want to have sex with women?”
Me: “Well, not right now. Right now, I...
“Fume” — Beck
Did I mention that the...
“A diet book should have two pages in it: “Page 1 – Eat right. Page 2 – Exercise....”
– Bill Maher (via excitablehonky)
Always think of this when waiting on the obese person who orders something along the lines of a basket of mozzarella sticks, a fried chicken salad (extra ranch dressing, of course) and the Mile High Pie—but a Diet Pepsi, because they’re watching their weight...
July 2009
9 posts
Now that we’re about to have four former...
Congratulations, Maura →
“Tipping is for waiters, bathroom attendants and lap dancers only. What is it...”
– Bill Maher
My Facebook Friends' Trending Topics
trainwrecks:
fatmanatee:
tesslynch:
I see five concurrent messy breakups playing themselves out via lyrical status messages.
I bet you think this song is about you…
ACTUALLY, RIGHT NOW, THIS SONG IS PROBABLY ABOUT ME AND I AM VERY EMBARRASSED THAT ALL OF MY FRIENDS SEE WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW
Is there a tacky facebooks breakup blog yet? If not, someone start one, STAT!
It must be...
“Money (That’s What I Want)” —...
So last night this table actually asks us to turn...
This was a group of roughly five or six people, presumably Christians. They were seated next to three young Latinos who were speaking loudly in Spanish and doing a lot of laughing/giggling.
I didn’t recognize the song that was playing at that particular moment that the most anal retentive of the larger bunch made his volume request to my manager, but I was told that it might be Rhianna....
I deliberately requested Independence Day off. Not because I had anything in particular planned (last year, the girl I was seeing and I stayed in, ordered pizza and played Jeopardy! in between rounds of fucking), but just because I knew other employees would be kicking themselves for not requesting the shift off.
After the usual scheduling pandemonium broke out, I ultimately accepted what was...
“Paper Planes” — M.I.A.
‘Cause...
June 2009
23 posts
“Can we ring the bell for that?”
– Me, in regards to this.
“My job is to move orders from tables to kitchen and then trays from kitchen to...”
– Barbara Ehrenreich, “Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America”
Totally Baller Coupon →
These “Buy One, Get One” coupons for entrees were e-mailed out to people who actually get our Applebee’s internet spam—I think. Truthfully, how this promotion was concieved and advertised was never really explained to us (is anything ever?), but you’ve still got until Sunday to use this bitch.
And even then, I’ll bet we accept one or two after the expiration date....
“It’s a proprietary secret.”
– Company’s response to inquiry about which USDA grade is used for our House Sirloin, reviewed as part of Keving Pang’s “Cheap steaks for cheapskates,” published back in April. All other restaurants revealed whether the grades they used were prime, choice or select.
The grades...
“We provide our guests with a range of choices, from those that are better for...”
– The company’s comment in response to receiving an Xtreme Eating Award from the Center for Science in the Public Interest for our Quesadilla Burger, a “monstrous marriage” of 1,820 calories, 46 grams of saturated fat and 4,410 milligrams of sodium.
“So hilariously off-point it’s just stunning.”
– I’m Bringing Tumblr Back.: The last time I cried
We’ve decided that we’ll make this a weekly thing now: find something on Tumblr mentioning Applebee’s, take it totally out of context and use it to inspire a rant.
Thanks for getting us started.
The last time I cried
sexypants:
I almost cried last night. Because I am a giant fucking pussy.
I watched a movie with my buddy last night called L’auberge espagnole. It’s about a Frenchman studying abroad in Barcelona. There’s the inevitable scene at the end where he leaves the friends he’s gained in Barcelona and packs up his shit to head home. He’s walking down the street in tears, bawling, and I almost was...
Um... who on earth uses the term "slow food" to... →
(via maura)
There are many nights that some of our cooks are deserving of that title.
APPLEBEES FTMFW
shunxxxxxxy:
Hooray! The focaccia stick mustn’t have been hard as a rock!
inothernews:
Tina Turner “We Don’t Need Another...
Have faith
I gave change to a woman a few weeks back. Her and some younger dude were my last table for lunch, they were nice enough, the bill was low and there was little memorable about the whole thing other than when they left.
After giving her three fives and five singles back for a twenty she had given me, I returned to the table after they’d left to find the five singles on the table—and the...
It's been a month now ... →
… and I’m still not designated as a closer on Saturday, having only picked it up from the co-workers who didn’t really want the shift anyway.
I have already made a phone call to begin looking into a transfer to the location closer to home while pursuing other, entirely different lines of work. I took a few months off from sending out resumes, so cut me some slack while I...
SO MY SISTER AND I WENT TO APPLEBEE'S FOR DINNER...
jaclyninreallife:
SERIOUSLY.
I was waiting for the one guy to be like “CAN I HAV YO NUMBAH?” Cus that’s EXACTLY who he sounded like. He asked my sister and I if we drank, and she said “she can’t, I can, but I drove- so don’t but us drinks.” and then he was talking about how all of the guys he was sitting with INCLUDING THE WAITER, had allllll known eachother for a minimum of ten years. They...
I feel I should also mention that I have never...
Mostly because I’ve never had to. Any girl who really wants something will either come back in or extract enough information to figure out where she can run into you later.
sunflowerbasler:
Today I went to Applebees with my grandmother for dinner and our waiter was very good-looking, and he gave me a free dessert so I left him a four dollar tip and a napkin with my name and number written on it in lipstick.
(You told me to be bold.)
The lipstick thing is hot, I’ll give you that much. But my biggest problem with phone numbers being left behind on napkins...
“Soul Meets Body” — Death Cab for...
May 2009
7 posts
Our secret is out ... →
I was actually taught to use Diet, but whatevs.
No smoke for you!
With each act of legislation that further dehumanizes us smokers, I become more and more cranky about bumming cigarettes to mooches. My basic rule is that someone I know can usually get one without too much grief. A request for a second will usually lead me to let the person asking (again) know that I really don’t want to give them another. And, no, don’t even bother asking for a...
“A Small Victory,” Faith No More
...
“Loyalty is a two-way street.”
– A wise co-worker at a hotel once told me this. I was remembering it today, just a day or so after I came in to close a lunch shift on my afternoon off and now found myself looking over my schedule for next week in which I no longer have my closing shifts on either Friday’s lunch or...
April 2009
3 posts
The boss, my general manager, said he wanted me to come in tomorrow. The Director of Franchise Operations is coming in tomorrow, although my boss, the GM, he only refers to the guy by his actual name. I don’t think he realistically has any idea what the fellow’s title is, it’s just a position that tells my boss, the GM, what he should be doing.
And my boss, the GM, doesn’t...